The values I tried to instil in my kids as they grew up were to have a strong work ethic, integrity, respect, determination, a curiosity for learning and a sense of fun. If you have all these in your life you are going live a good enjoyable life and make a solid contribution to society. But this story is about determination. In my mind, it embodies the best qualities of resilience, grit, ambition, and tenacity. I believe it’s the most important character trait of successful people.
My youngest son, Will, is 20 and in his third year of studying a 5-year civil engineering degree at university. As part of his degree, he needs to organise a 6-month paid internship with an engineering or construction firm. He thought he had everything in place to start in January 2024 when suddenly, at the last minute, he learned that the firm had a major contract delayed and as such they were delaying their intake of internships.
Not only was it back to the drawing board, but he also now needed to organise the internship at very short notice and after most firms had already allocated their internships for 2024. But first, he had to contend with end-of-year exams. He called by one night after uni on his way back to his place and afterwards, my wife said he seemed quiet, and a bit stressed about it all. So, I checked in with him to see where his head was at and if I could help him work out a battle plan of how to best tackle things.
Like anyone, when your plans for life hit a stumbling block, he was feeling a bit flat. But the key to these situations is to keep moving forward. On the day of the bad news, I think it’s ok to decompress and have that day to feel a bit down but that’s it, nothing more. The very next day you get back up and work as hard as you can. When I spoke to Will, he said himself it was quite unmotivating and he was sulking a bit. I reminded him that in 10 or 15 years when he’s an engineer managing big projects, this setback won’t matter. So, there is no point being down about it, get back up, get on with it and get another role.
How we react in difficult times is far more important than how we react in the good times. When everything is going great, it’s easy but when everything turns to mud, that’s tough. How do you respond? Mindset matters so much in our ability to be resilient and convert setbacks into action. Keep the big picture goal in mind and don’t stop working as hard as you can until you achieve that objective.
When I coach young basketball players, I tell them not to look at the scoreboard. I tell them to play the game the right way, with maximum effort and energy. If they do that the scoreboard will take care of itself. But this is the same with everything in life. Attack it with effort and energy and everything will work out. It doesn’t mean you win every time, but it means you’ve done everything you can to give yourself the best chance of success.
So, what did that look like for Will in that moment? I sent him the following text messages:
“Leave no stone unturned to get an internship. Reach out to literally every person you know or have ever met and say…’hey, I need to sort an engineering internship ASAP do you know anyone with a construction company or an engineering firm?’. Everyone ever.”
“Set yourself an unbreakable goal of getting an internship by the end of December and then do whatever it takes to get it. That’s a full month. Guaranteed you get it sorted if your attitude and approach are right. Do a list on a spreadsheet and contact everyone. Minimum 100 people. Be relentless.”
“Ask them who they can introduce you to. Then follow it through. No one is going to blackball you. It shows drive, ambition, determination. Exactly what you want in an employee. You just have to keep pushing and keep your eye on the goal. Set a target of contacting 5 people a day for a week. Then go to 10 people a day after that. You know a lot of people. You just need to ask them if they know someone in construction or engineering.”
After that, Will sent 10 messages to people in the next hour and made a list of 100 people to contact in the following days. He starts his paid engineering internship this month. But in many respects, the life lessons he learned in having to pick himself up and get his mindset right in order to move forward were more valuable to him than anything he will learn on the job.
It’s really that simple. Almost any problem is solvable if you approach it with that level of energy and effort. We’ve all been here. Where a setback in our career, business or life seems so overwhelming that we end up in a malaise of limbo. But understand that the only thing that solves the problem is action. Decide to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal by a set date. Do everything in your power to make it happen. If you refuse to give up, if you are relentless in your determination to solve the problem, then you give yourself every chance of being able to succeed.
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